I Want to Have Positive Things to Say

Mike_Wr/ September 17, 2017/ Blog/ 0 comments


I Want to Have Positive Things to Say — Blog

I want to be a dad, and my children need their daddy.

I want to have positive things to say, but it’s really hard being me right now.

I want to be a dad, and my children need their daddy.

It was hard to be a dad when my children’s mother moved the children across three state lines away.

It was hard when my first attorney bailed on me by explaining the case had become too difficult on a weekend of visitation.

It was hard when my children’s mother stopped letting the children video chat or voice call with me.

It was hard when my children’s mother left mine name off the day care paperwork, so I couldn’t visit them at school.

It shouldn’t be this hard. I have every right to be angry and emotionally unstable, but I’m not. I’m not either of those things.

I’m too busy being calm, so I think think clearly. I’m writing about now as if I’ve already been through it and have come out on the other side in a much better place mentally and physically.

My relationship with my babies is suffering

I understand the opposition is necessary, because I’m learning important lessons to pass on. I understand that the mother of my children isn’t mad at me. I don’t take it personal (It’s really, really hard not to though). She is mad at herself, and I’m an easy target for her frustration. I’m an easy target, because she controls the most important people in my world. I’m to blame for giving her that power, and I’m suffering for it. My relationship with my babies is suffering for it.

For now.

I want to have positive things to say, so I won’t avoid going out in public dreading others engaging me. I don’t want to have to put on a face so I don’t seem like a downer. I want to feel good, so I tell myself this time away from my children, this distance, this opposition is temporary. They’ll always feel their daddy’s love no matter how far apart, because it comes from a genuine place. One day their mother won’t control their contacting me. One day they won’t even want to leave their daddy. This trial is all temporary.

It’s a developing story that I look forward to telling both of my children when we can have talks at eye level. I’ll write about it for now. They’re gonna understand that I’ve always been as close as I could possibly be to them. They’ll understand the pain I have today when they become parents.

The separation is difficult because of the distance. I have every right to be cold and bitter, but I sleep soundly when I treat people with kindness. It makes me feel good knowing that my children will learn very different lessons on treating people from me and their mother. I smile when I think that as they get to know their mommy and daddy, they’ll understand without explanation why we can’t be together. The lessons will write themselves, and my job will be to simply be myself.

I’ll find positive things to say, because that’s a huge part of being me. If I’m being completely honest, I think the only way I’ll come out on top of these hard times is by keeping my integrity intact.


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